Throughout our lives, we experience many instances of grief. Grief can be caused by the loss of a loved one, but also in the breakdown of a relationship. The process of grieving is personal and may differ depending on an individual’s personality, support system, natural coping mechanisms, and many other things that will determine how the loss will affect you.
It is important to remember that there are no fixed rules or timetables and for some individuals, it may take a few weeks or months, and for others it may take years. Therefore, if you are coping with death and grief treat yourself with patience and compassion and allow the process to unfold.
What is grief?
Grief is something we experience when someone close to us dies. As it is natural to have a strong reaction to someone dying, you may feel:
- Shocked about what has happened
- Pain and distress
- Anger
- Guilt
- Depression
- Longing
- Worried about other people's reactions
Here is a support guide created by the Milton Keynes and Bedfordshire councils for professionals.
Stages of grief
Grief is often understood and described in stages, but it is important to bear in mind that each stage may last for a different period of time for some individuals and some may not experience all of the stages of grief as described below.
- Denial - Feeling numb is common in the early days after a bereavement. Even if we know with our heads that someone has died it can be hard to believe in our hearts that someone important is not coming back.
- Anger - Anger is a completely natural emotion, and very natural after someone dies. It’s also common to feel angry towards the person who has died, or angry at ourselves for things we did or didn’t do or say to the person before their death.
- Bargaining - When we are in pain, it’s sometimes hard to accept that there’s nothing we can do to change things. It’s also common to find ourselves going over and over things that happened in the past and asking a lot of ‘what if’ questions, wishing we could go back and act differently in the hope things could have turned out differently.
- Depression - Sadness and longing are perhaps what we think of most often when we think of grief. This pain can be very intense and come in waves over many months or years.
- Acceptance - Grief comes in waves and it can feel like nothing will ever be right again. We may never ‘get over' the death of someone precious, but we can learn to live again while keeping the memories of those we have lost close to us.
- Try talking about your feelings to a friend, family member, health professional or counsellor. Find our contact information below if you want to reach out.
- Try the 6 ways to feel happier, which are simple lifestyle changes to help you feel more in control and able to cope
- Find out about how to get to sleep if you are struggling to sleep
- Listen to free mental wellbeing audio guides
- Try relaxation and mindfulness classes or apps - you can download them for free.
Grief at any time is difficult and painful, and while Covid-19 may present additional challenges to the process, you will also experience all of the normal pain of loss and separation.
Changes have been made to several services, including end of life and palliative care as well as funeral arrangements, due to Covid-19. This may make grief and loss particulalrly difficult and you may feel that you need some extra help and support during this time.
Read The British Psychological Society advice on supporting yourself and others: coping with death and grief.